When we were little, my mom would fall asleep while trying to read to us in the evening. With 10 kids to take care of each day, I’m sure she was exhausted. Therefore, the job fell to my dad. He sat in a chair while we three youngest were tucked in our beds. We shared a room with an awesome bunk bed and a trundle bed tucked underneath. The older kids would often come in to listen, too. I have such fond memories of Dad reading to us, so when we finally had kids in our home, I wanted to read the same way he did.
Except . . . have you ever tried to read to a child with ADHD at bedtime? How about three of them? We attempted doing this on and off for years, with very little success and a lot of frustration. We knew they would have a hard time sitting still and would want to fidget with something. So we bought the little gadgets and toys made especially for this purpose. They all ended up lost, broken, or tossed aside. We became more understanding of that issue over time. But it was the endless—and often random—interruptions, questions, comments, (and cries that they didn’t see the picture!) that made it hard to make it through even one sentence.
This was devastating to me. How could I pass on one of my family’s dearest legacies if it was something I had begun to dread every night? Deep down I believed there had to be a way.
Making Adjustments
After realizing our kids couldn’t handle being close together—or even in the same room—during reading time, we tried sitting each of them in their bedroom doorway. Having their own space seemed to help somewhat, but being able to see the pictures was still a major issue. Based on our observations, the best solution was allowing them to look at books or read to themselves silently at bedtime. It didn’t get them riled up, and the peace and quiet was so nice! It was life changing for all of us. We moved reading time with our kids to the morning or sometimes right after school. Their busy brains didn’t seem to be as overwhelmed earlier in the day, and it became a much more enjoyable activity.
This was our own experience with night-time reading. Yours is likely different. But if you aren’t happy with how things are going, I encourage you to try a new approach. Please remember that doing things differently from other families does NOT mean you’re failing in any way. It means you are tailoring your reading to your children’s needs and being a great parent. How I wish we had tried other methods earlier on, instead of trying to make the one I was familiar with work for us. Here are a few more ideas to consider changing:
If you and your child are having a hard time reading together, have someone else read with him for a while or even take turns. Instead of reading to all of your children at once, try reading with only one or two at a time. I recognize that this is challenging, but may just be the answer you’ve been seeking and will be totally worth the sacrifice.
If you have committed to reading a certain series or are attempting to help your child appreciate a particular genre and he is not enjoying it, go ahead and try something else. Your child may not be ready for that quite yet. However, you can always circle back to it later. I recommend sampling all kinds of stories with young ones. Together you will experience the fun of exploring the world of books and discovering your favorites.
Tweak with your reading spot. Try everywhere! No one ever said reading must be done on the couch or in your child’s bed. It could be at the kitchen table. Or under it! How about in your own large bed with all the kids gathered around? It could be over mats on the floor. Or even on the staircase. One of those places will be least distracting, most comfortable, and/or most appealing for your family.
Perhaps your child would benefit from a different reading schedule. It may not be convenient for you, but might be exactly what he needs. Try reading together at various hours of the day, such as before or after a meal or naptime. Feel out which time he seems most willing to sit and be engaged with you and a book.
I encourage you to stretch yourself beyond reading out of obligation. Do it for your relationship with your child, for his quest for knowledge, and to deepen his level of understanding of the human condition. Read with him for pleasure, and savor that intimate time together.
Give these possibilities some thought, especially as you pray or meditate. You’ll be inspired with ideas because you are putting in the effort. Tell your kids you are going on a reading adventure! Try a new way a few times and consider recording how things went. Go with what feels optimal, and, if necessary, readjust later.
If you are struggling, I promise that better, more meaningful reading experiences are ahead. Keep at it! You will find something that works best for you and your unique family.
If you have had to make adjustments in the past and are happy with how things are going now, we would so love to have you share with us your singular experiences in the comments!
I love how you have adjusted your expectations to fit the needs of your children. That is wonderful.