I have five beautifully challenging children. Two are diagnosed as “on the spectrum” with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and Adult Defiance Disorder, two are diagnosed with ADHD, and the last is still yet to be seen. From early morning until late at night every task I ask of almost each child must be micromanaged if I would like to see it finished. I have learned a thing or two in the last 14 years of parenting these kiddos. First, I have to be selective of what I ask. Second, I have to be able to have the energy to follow up on every task that is required. And third? I’ve had to decide what is most important in these few short years I have to spend with these little humans I have the opportunity to guide into adult years.

Reading has been a love of mine since I was a small girl and something I love seeing my children do. As I have watched a few of them struggle with reading, either from a form of dyslexia or plain defiance for the sake of not doing what they have been asked to at school, my husband and I realized we needed to step in and help these children at home, too.

My second daughter suffers from a form of dyslexia where she mixes up the words, or sees part of a word and guesses what it is (sometimes to our humorous delight), or adds in extra letters that aren’t there. She is 12. But she has improved by leaps and bounds since we started one simple thing. We read aloud as a family every night. Sometimes it’s only for a few minutes with one child passed out and another doing donkey kicks in the middle of the room. But they look forward to the consistency of our family being together and reading together.

Rewind to January 2019. I am starting the process for the fourth time for our fourth child for an Individual Education Plan (IEP) with the principal, his teacher, two counselors and the school psychologist. All day kindergarten is not his dig. He is not progressing and thriving as kindergarteners should. As we begin the long process of working with counselors and plans to help him cope with school and his environment, COVID hits and schools shut down. Not wanting to have my sensory kids on screens all day, I pulled them out and started homeschooling them. All five.

Number four is still a challenge at home. He refuses to do things on our schedule and our way. In an effort to catch him when he is in the mood, I’ve had to be incredibly flexible and creative. Let me tell you, it has not been easy and there have been days when his stubbornness has won out. But I have not given up! I have had to look for things he is really interested in and use them as a reward for his reading. In our house, if you want screen time on the iPad, you have to walk on the treadmill at the same time. Sometimes, in the quiet of the early morning, when it’s just me and him, he will gladly do his reading and math for the chance to be the first for screen time on the treadmill.

On other days, things start in a whirlwind with older brother creating havoc until he is fed and medicated and becomes verbal. So, these days have to be a little more creative. Sometimes he is ok with reading on the couch while everyone else is at the table. Sometimes we go back to my room and read. Just last week I followed him around, periodically asking to read for a half hour before he climbed into the climbing tree and looked at me with a smug face. Needless to say, he was a bit surprised when I handed him the reading book and climbed up into the tree with him! At that point, I had reached that subconscious part of his brain that satisfied his need to know that I really cared about him and his reading. After a few minutes of sitting on a knobby tree limb, he decided that the hammock was just as good and more comfortable. This week? The hammock has been the reading place of choice. Next week? We shall see! Maybe reading to our pet cat will do the job.

I met Andrea a few years ago when our little cuties attended preschool together and was instantly impressed by her. Her smile is both stunning and inviting. She is adventurous and super talented with a needle and thread. Her energy, creativity, and resourcefulness are a boon in her role as mother to special needs children. Her kids range from 5 to 14 years old. Andrea, thank you for reminding us that persistence pays off!

Tawny Ember

The power of example is tremendous when it comes to parents reading to their children. I have been a public-school principal for 35 years. Prior to being a principal, I was a 5th grade elementary teacher for 5 years. When I retired, I became an elementary librarian at a Native American school. In addition, my wife Denise dedicated 24 years to teaching 3rd through 5th grades and special education. We have seen firsthand what reading can do to impact children in a positive manner.

Everything a person does to navigate in life requires reading and promotes success as an adult (i.e., reading directions, job applications, web pages) . . . think about new technology equipment, manuals, road signs, Google, problem solving, etc. Everything we do requires reading as a skill.

Developing the love of reading is vital because it is a skill that requires practice and the engagement of one’s imagination to see the story in their mind’s eye. You have probably heard people say, “I read the book and I’ve seen the movie. I liked the book best.” That is because when we read, we get to develop the pictures and characters the way we see them in our mind using our imagination.

When a parent reads consistently with their child, it builds a stronger bond between child and parent. There are opportunities to discuss elements of a story, helping the child to connect to experiences that the parent can share that relate to the story. The child can learn more about their parent’s personal history. Together they can share laughter, tears, and enhance their relationship through the written text. The bond between parent and child will be strengthened through sharing favorite characters and stories.

Reading together provides more one-on-one personal time. In today’s busy lives this time is essential to developing a positive relationship between parent and child. Reading together can be the medium for this relationship development. Reading beside someone allows the parent and child to be in close proximity also promoting a sense of togetherness.

Lastly, reading together also allows the parent to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses in regards to their reading skills. It provides an opportunity for the parent to correct and affirm the reading strategies the child is employing as they read and suggest new and better ways to interact with the story. The parent can enhance the learning experience by asking questions about the setting, characters, author’s purpose and the child’s opinion about the story.

Lyle and Denise are genuinely caring and giving individuals, as all the best educators are. We were lucky enough to have Lyle as our boys’ Cub Scouts leader. He was stupendous! He took the time to gauge our sons’ knowledge and abilities, then selected individualized activities for each of them. We’re thankful for the impact Lyle and Denise have left on our family and grateful to be able to share their thoughts with you!

tawny ember

Bedtime was always a special time at our house. We had two bedrooms separated by a door. There were between six and eight children gathered in there at a time. Their dad would sit between the rooms, reading a chapter book. The kids looked forward to each night’s reading. One book that sticks out in our minds is The Trumpeter of the Swan. Those were magic times, when the girls were able to bond with their dad. I also read with them during the day, but they found it necessary to nudge me to keep me awake. Nonetheless, reading was an important part of our household, and a time the children cherished. 

When I went on to teach reading at the local junior high school, it was appalling to see children from seventh to ninth grades who couldn’t read a level one book. Through the reading program Read Right, the other teaching assistants and I were able to help the kids become more familiar with words, sentences, and how they all go together. They were taught how to read using one’s natural voice, as though one was speaking. It was a joy to assist students with learning difficulties and watch them grow. As I checked on the students when they were in high school, I learned that reading had become a delight to them and no longer a drag. Reading improves vocabulary and language, so intervention is never too late.

I have always believed that intelligence and reading go hand-in-hand. The more curious a person is about life, the more books he will read. Ergo, the more intelligent he will become. Take every advantage to read with your children. Even when they are in the womb they listen. And they will love it. Nurture the time you have with your children well, because they will represent you and your teachings. As a mother of 10 and grandmother of 26, I can attest to the miracles which occur through a parent reading with a child. I’ve seen each one of my children establish a well-rounded reading program with their children. I am extremely pleased. Remember, you are influencing future generations! Good luck, all you wonderful parents out there!

When I was a child, it was pretty easy to locate my mom any time of day. She was either praying on her knees by her bed, or reading newspapers or novels at the kitchen table. Of course she spent loads of time cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry, but those other images left a deeper impression on me. Mom started volunteering at the junior high my first year there. While there were definitely some embarrassing moments, for the most part I was happy to know she was helping my peers. She worked as a paraeducator for 10 years and would have liked to work 10 more if it didn’t take everything she had to fight cancer. Thank you, Mom, for sharing your love of learning, particularly through reading. It continues to have an impact on me today as I see you and Dad swapping books like they are a delicious dessert that just has to be tasted.

tawny ember

The Joy of Reading

I have always loved to read, but my children were struggling. Crying, fighting and refusing to read and do the assignments . . . for years. So, we stopped and reassessed. We chose something else and took a completely different approach to youth reading. I gave up the “twaddle books” and brought them into the world of literature that I have always loved: classical literature and “Living Books.” (These concepts come from Charlotte Mason).  We’ve read abridged versions of Treasure Island, The Call of the Wild, The Secret Garden and so many more. All with a vast array of individual reactions from my littles. 

These books created emotions and curiosity in my kids. These books created memories as we discussed the trials of our characters, and through that process became stronger in character ourselves. Their rapidly changing expressions and vocal outbursts warmed my heart as they became immersed into the stories we were reading. The discussions they held amongst themselves depicted their reading comprehension without lengthly book reports and pages of questions. 

Once the joy of reading was established, the mechanics of reading became easier. They wanted books about spiders, Volkswagen Bugs and unicorns. They wanted to read about hurricanes and planets. Because of this want, the lessons of R-controlled vowels and sound combinations became easier and more welcomed. They saw the advantage of becoming stronger readers. They saw how reading opened doors into any subject they wanted and how the world was theirs for the taking. They were now invested in themselves and wanted to continue that joy of reading on their own. 

Tina is a force. She gets stuff done, and in the quickest and best possible way. She is a prison nurse, manager of two vacation homes, and mom of 4, from preschool to middle grade. Did I mention she also homeschools her children?! I was honored when she came to me for the one piece of mom advice she wasn’t already familiar with: young boys should only use the upstairs bathroom. Thank you, Tina, for taking the time to share your experience with us!

tawny ember

“Please, don’t ever, Ever, EVER,” each ever growing increasingly more emphatic, “talk like that again. Not ever, Mom.” We put the book away, for 6 and a half years, and after holding and hugging my little duckling, I traded in the world of Hogwarts for the familiar words of Frog and Toad, thereby smoothing all his ruffled feathers.

Reading aloud to my children is one of my favorite past times. We haul blankets and pillows into the room and each of my children creates their own little nest from which to listen, to hear and imagine our books. It’s not always pretty. There is squabbling over the best spot, and the right story. They interrupt and rudely shush each other’s questions down, they poke or pinch or push physically and emotionally until someone loses their cool and they all get sent to bed. But in between those mild eruptions, we talk in made up voices, we giggle at descriptions and we enter worlds that are both delightfully familiar and frighteningly foreign.

We started reading together after trips to the library. Picture books turned into chapter books, and eventually to novels. My lap was their home for Guess How Much I Love You and Bread and Jam for Frances. As their interest evolved so did our books. There is a full stack of books we have started but never finished. Schedules changed or interest waned and in time they longed to gather around again, and we couldn’t find our place so we started on a new adventure. We have read classics, and current literature, everything from Anne of Green Gables to The Hobbit, Wonder and Arabian Nights, Narnia and The Princess Bride and the short stories of Patrick F. McManus. They loved them all.

So much of it has nothing to do with the book itself, but from what happens when we read it together. I could tell you all about the neurological effects, the polyvagal theory and how the brain engages in these activities, firing sequences of synapses that allow us to feel safe and secure while venturing into modes of fear, excitement and concern, but the long and short of it is really very simple. We are having a positive shared experience. We are bonding in our disgust for the antagonist, and our hopes for the heroes we have collectively come to love. Reading together strengthens our relationships, unless, of course, I speak like a basilisk.

Kelly is a special soul who embodies both intelligence and goodness. She also happens to be hilarious! Her 4 equally gifted children span from kindergarten to 8th grade. Not knowing we knew each other, our pediatrician had it in mind to pair up our babies, who were the chubbiest of ALL her patients. I can’t think of anything happier, except maybe hearing Kelly’s basilisk impression. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us!

tawnyember

I also learned how important it was to have books in every room, closet and vehicle we own. I wanted my kids to always have a book at their fingertips. I know this helped fuel their passion for reading. Another thing I realized over time is how beautiful a used book can seem. Books are meant to be touched and read over and over again. The more they get read the more worn they look and that’s a good thing!

Find Sari’s wall bookshelf at Ikea

I am SO blessed to be able to claim Sari as a close friend of mine. Her sunny personality always lightens my spirits, and my kids are all convinced she is their own, personal buddy. She has 3 of the sweetest, smiliest children, from toddler to middle grade. She is a former 2nd grade teacher, the kind every kid loves and every parent prays to have. Thank you so much for your insightful contribution, Sari!

tawnyember